A Picture Can Tell a 1000 Lies

It’s about time I wrote another blog post.  I always have plenty to say, but no time to say it... Nonetheless, now that I do have a moment to capture my thoughts, I want to write about home renovations...

My husband and I recently embarked upon a home renovation...uhm... what should I call it... Let’s call it an adventure... No matter how prepared you are for renovations, you are never as prepared as you think. For the past seven weeks our house has been in constant state of disarray. At the moment it is our house, not our home. But hopefully soon it will return to being our home... You see, a home is a retreat to after a hard day’s work - place to relax and unwind. But if the comfort of your home living space is disrupted for whatever reason, you actually have nowhere to retreat to and unwind. Sure you can visit friends or family, but it can never replace the space you call home.

I recently took to the internet in search of advice on how to survive a home renovation – and more importantly – on how to stay sane. In the end, what caught my attention the most, were the images that I found on Google when searching for “home renovations” or even better – renovating with toddlers.

These are just too precious (and unrealistic) not to share. At this point I would also like to reiterate this blog post’s heading: A picture can tell a 1000 lies...

1)  Shopping for home improvement items... with toddlers

Uhm.  So... I don’t know who these two children are or what they’ve been fed, but this is NOT what two young children look like when going with their parents to a building supply store. Unless it’s just my kids. A more realistic photograph would depict the following:

Either one toddler pestering the other toddler or one (even both) toddlers standing up in the shopping cart with one (or both) parents realizing this too late because they were trying to look at paint samples or tile samples etc. This could possibly be followed by:

1) An expensive trip to the emergency room and / or

2) Paying for an expensive amount of unwanted home improvement goods that got pulled off a shelf.

Scenario two normally takes place in the isle containing the most expensive home improvement items. 

And what is it with kids and the extra energy they somehow gather whenever parents enter a building supply store? I nearly needed trauma counseling after taking my three year old with me to The Lighting Warehouse. There are lots of pretty and expensive lights in that shop… And whereas I can normally take my toddler anywhere without much trouble, I’ve realized that this does not include stores that literally only sell items made partly or entirely from glass.

2)  Kids HELPING with renovations

I have only two words: Yeah right. There are a couple of things wrong with this photo:

·         Mom, dad and kid all have clean clothes on (except for the dad maybe who has a couple of tiny spots on his jeans)

·         Mom is smiling, her hair tied up nicely, her makeup looking all pretty

·         Mom and dad have both decided on wearing light-coloured, new-looking clothes to do the renovations in.

·         There is no toddler pulling on mom’s leg or asking to be taken to the bathroom or telling mom that he or she is hungry.

·         And what is the logic around holding the wallpaper so crooked across the wall?

 Same thing with this photo.

·         Clean clothes, clean kids, perfect hair and makeup, smiling family…. It is so far from what the reality looks like that it is actually scary. The longer you have been exposed to home improvements, the more eerie this photo becomes.

The cleanliness in these photographs really freak me out (especially the kid…) And they haven’t even put protective plastic over the gorgeous wooden flooring. Perhaps they specifically paid R130 per square meter for wooden flooring so they could add bright blue spots to it.  And mom is looking so pleased with her young son whom she has allowed to help with the painting. Look! How cute. He even has his own cute little roller brush and I think mom’s cheerful smile is mostly due to the pride she feels while her son demonstrates his painting skills on their R130-per-square-meter-floor.

3)  The romantic side of home renovations

  

Sorry, the romantic side of what??

These squeaky clean, non-sweaty, smiley couples (above and below) have not been painting for even five minutes.

Wow. A home renovation photograph with a bit of dirt. What a nice touch. I want to provide some possible dialogue for this photo:

Wife: “Aaaahhh honey. I can’t think of anything better to do than lying on the hard, dusty and dirty floor here with you, dreaming about what our home will look like once we’re done with this highly enjoyable renovation process. And I don’t know about you, but I have this strange feeling that we will experience absolutely no delays, surprises, mistakes or unforeseen expenses during the time we are soaking up every romantic and delightful moment of this home improvement project that we have embarked on. “

Husband: “Yes my darling. I agree with you. This is so much better than curling up on a soft, comfy couch and watching a romantic movie together while munching on our favorite snacks. We must do this more often. To make this romantic moment extra special, let’s both wear our cleanest, newest socks.”

Yay. Some dirt again. However, was he painting with a blindfold on or something?

These people are at least protecting their wooden floors. Good for them.

Here’s another caption:

Wife: “Honey, do you mind if I use your back as a seat while I help you paint our home’s interior walls in as many colours as they stock at the paint store? And don’t you think we chose the perfect colour combination? This mustard yellow really goes well with the blue.”

Husband: “Sure honey. It wouldn’t be more practical for you to sit on a chair while painting. Not to mention how uncomfortable it would be for both of us if you rather sat on a chair. Plus, painting is not much more strenuous than a little light housework. My back and whole body won’t ache at all tomorrow when I wake up.”

Wife: “Awww. Thanks honey. And thanks for helping me to complete our home’s “smartie box” look. We are going to have the most beautiful house on the street!”

Renovating is not for the faint-hearted. But, as I said to my husband the other day… we must look at this as a privilege. Because it is a privilege to be able to afford to make changes to your home and make it the way you want it. And it is also a privilege to know that the chaos won’t last forever. J

I will post “before and after” pics of our renovations in the next couple of weeks.